I’m super inspired today to share something special after meeting an incredible human last week. 

 

One of the things on my plate is a women’s dinner group I help to organise. We have around 70 rural women from my local communities get-together every 3 months for dinner, connection, and a mystery guest speaker. It’s a very special happening, and it feels wonderful to be part of something that brings so much joy. 

 

Our speaker last week was Dr Alia Bojilova.

She's a psychologist with a PhD focused on resilience.

Studying resilience is one thing, putting theory into practice is another.

 

Alia has tested what she’s learned, as well as observed others putting resilience skills into practice in the most acute situations imaginable. 

 

As an army officer in the NZ Defence Force, she has served in some of the world’s most extreme and tumultuous environments - Afghanistan, Syria, Israel, East Timor and the Solomon Islands.

 

Her resilience has been called on many times, no more so than when she was taken hostage by 38 gunmen while serving as a UN observer in Syria in 2013. 

 

Incredibly, in that situation, she was able to use resilience skills to keep a level head, negotiate with her captors, and ultimately bring about her group's safe release. 

 

Resilience is a word we’re so familiar with these days. For some people, I think the very murmur of it makes them feel like rolling their eyes and saying "enough already!". 

 

But Alia has a refreshing and uplifting perspective on resilience.

 

She thinks of resilience not about bouncing back, but bouncing forward in a way that leaves us better than when our setback found us. 

 

Her approach to resilience is not about grit, it’s about growth. 

 

I love these words I heard her say :

 

"Hopefully we will pursue resilience, be curious about it, and be comfortable being at the spinning edge of possibility, constantly wondering just how much better can we be."

 

How's that for a wonderful and meaningful way to live -

 

... on the spinning edge of possibility, constantly wondering, just how much better can we be?

 

There are many things I could choose to share with you that I learned from Alia.

 

I've chosen a practical exercise that works at the root of your self-concept and beliefs about yourself.

 

I chose this exercise because I think it’s something that a lot of people find very difficult, if not impossible, to do. But it's something you must become more and more comfortable with if being resilient is something you think would be beneficial in your life.

 

And, I chose this exercise because knowing who you are, or who you are capable of being, and continually striving to be that person, is fundamental to resilience. 

 

This exercise uses the 2 MOST POWERFUL WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHEN USED TOGETHER -  

 

Those words are - 

 

I am 

 

If you paid some attention to observing your thoughts, you'd be amazed how often you think these words to yourself,

 

I am....

I am...

I am... 

 

And, how often what follows those 2 words is negative or diminishing. 

 

I am tired. 

I am overwhelmed.
I am stressed.

I am anxious. 

I am confused.

I am undisciplined.

 

Alia asked us to think of ourselves when we are at our best.

 

Do this for yourself right now - 

 

Take a moment.

Close your eyes.

Take a long, slow breath.

Relax.

Spend a few minutes forming a mental picture of yourself at your very best. 

 

Who are you when you’re at your best?

 

Open your eyes and write down the answer to this question using “I am” statements.

 

Use the printable worksheet below to create your best-self  “I am” statements. 

 

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Reality check ✔

 

You won’t always be your best-self  person.

 

Sometimes you’ll be grumpy, moody, irritable, impatient, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, sad, fearful, anxious….. 

 

We need these moments too, they serve us to learn and grow.

 

Always being at your best is not reality. 

 

And it’s not the goal either.

 

The goal is to see -

 

In how many micro-moments of your daily life can you be your best-self person? 

The person that epitomizes and embodies the list of traits on your best-self  “I am” list.
 

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A strong, positive concept of yourself, or who you can be when you’re at your best, has a huge impact on how resilient you are. 

 

Keep your best-self "I am" list handy and read it often. 

 

Use it to fuel your motivation to live on the spinning edge of possibility, constantly wondering, just how much better can you be?

 

Happy best-selfing!

Catch you next week,

Nadine xx

 

PS > If you’re looking for a fabulous empowering listen this week, check out this podcast interview with Dr Alia Bojilova. She shares her incredible hostage story and much more.