The Courage To Change

Written by Jac Lockington
Holistic Life & Financial Coach

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We constantly hear about being resilient to change! Changes are usually made by others,
such as our policy makers, employers, service providers and while they might ‘rip our
nighties’ at the time, we invariably succumb and quickly forget.

But what about changes we make for ourselves… you know the hard ones, the ones you’ve
been thinking about for ages and for some reason keep putting off? When you begin
thinking about making a change, do you feel overwhelmed or just plain scared?

​You are in good company, a lot of us lack courage to make positive changes!

Our brain is like a conservative investment fund - you get a return, but nothing like you
could get with a little more risk!

Our ‘want’ to change thoughts are pushed back by our brain’s ‘need’ to be secure thoughts
which naturally oppose each other. Our subconscious brain is designed to keep us alive and
out of harms way and it will do ANYTHING to keep us in our familiar place. It’s more
powerful than any computer - and it NEVER switches off! So, during your waking hours you
can be contemplating change while your subconscious is sabotaging those ideas while you
are asleep and unaware!

Cunning indeed!

Courage begins in our Conscious Brain!
Courage is required for anything new to us and for things previously tried that didn’t end
well. Although we mostly run on auto pilot, do you remember how you felt the first time
you went to school, drove a car, started work, or had your first date? I was terrified before I
mastered any of those situations! When you do things successfully, your subconscious files
those experiences in the “Safe” box. It has hundreds of different boxes and has recorded
everything that has happened since you were born. Now, when you want to do something,
your subconscious searches those boxes until it finds a similar experience and then either
approves or disapproves. If it doesn’t find a similar one, it MUST be too scary to do!

​

Subconscious Brain :
“You know what happened the last time you
did that… the same will happen
again!”

​

​Childhood memories affect todays decisions!
Let’s say, you had a bad experience at the dental clinic when you were a child. Your
subconscious saved that to the ‘Scary’ box, so even though you are an adult, the mere
thought of the dentist has your subconscious waving the ‘Scary’ flag while evoking the
original feelings you had back then! Yes, not only does it store memories, it also stores
feelings!

I had a meeting with a Tarantula in Australia. I was 8 years old; it was the size of a dinner
plate and was blocking my only escape route - the bedroom door! Beyond petrified, I was
insanely trying to climb the farthest wall to escape…. what was I thinking? Was I going to
punch through the ceiling? The point was I wasn’t thinking consciously, the fight, flight or
freeze part of my brain had taken control!

For the following 16 years, every time I saw a spider, no matter how small, adrenaline would
surge through my body, I couldn’t breathe and I ran. My subconscious was waving the
‘Scary’ flag and even though this spider was tiny, my brain didn’t care, and I felt the same
fear grip me. The embarrassing situations this caused make me smile now but running out
of toilets with my pants down or balancing on the back of a friend’s sofa while her husband
removed an innocent arachnid destroyed my dignity!

Courage to Tame the Beast- YOU can do it!
Although our subconscious brain is stubborn, we can force it to accept ‘updates’. By
working with a professional, my phobia was cured in 10 minutes flat by retraining my brain.
I was tested though. The following week, they were everywhere. Under my daughter’s
quilt, in my car and one even appeared in the shower! Nope, nothing, no running,
screaming or loss of consciousness ensued….. I even had the courage to look at their little
faces. My life was changed!

Back to the dentist scenario, we need to question whether the TRUTH and BELIEF we
experienced as a child is still relevant today.

Questions to consider:

1. Although it was scary, was it because no one explained what was going to happen? You can ask the dentist to explain everything before you consent to begin, or even prior to making the appointment.
2.  Although it was painful, is that pain still normally experienced today? Dental
   treatment can be pain free with the right anaesthetic and reassurance from your
   dentist.
   
   

Desire + Courage + Action = Successful Change

Desire- Define what you want to change and why:

• Why do you desire this change?
• How will it benefit you?
• What will your life be like when you achieve this?
• Can you picture what you will be doing in your life when you have this?
• How will you feel? Will this make you feel more confident, will you walk differently,
  will you be driving a different car, will people notice and respect you more?
• Spend time on each of these questions. Close your eyes and really ‘see into your
  future’ and hold onto the positive feelings it brings up for you. Take a few moments
  to soak up those positive feelings while you picture your success.
• Now, do you REALLY want this? Yes, carry on…
  ​
  

​Courage to change things doesn’t mean that you won’t feel anxious. Doing anything out of
our comfort zone makes everyone a bit scared! That’s because we have no script or past
memory to make us comfortable. Courage is acknowledging your feelings and moving
forward with your goal anyway. Stating your feelings can be a great way to start. Instead of
bottling them up, put them on the table and examine each one individually.

• What exactly are you afraid of?
• What are the chances of that happening?
• If that did happen, what would that mean for you?
• Could you try again with a different strategy?
  ​

Courage increases when we gather a support team around us, for those moments when we
might doubt ourselves after a minor setback. Your support team could be a mixture of
friends, family and maybe a professional mentor who genuinely understands what it means
for you to achieve this.

Action - Are you READY to commit to this now? If you are, then read on….

• Develop a “Big Picture” of your success – You don’t need loads of details, just what
  you are aiming for and what you will be doing and how your life will have improved
  once the change has happened. Draw and jot ideas on a big sheet of paper or write
  out a list or maybe record a video of yourself explaining talking about your goal. A
  style that resonates with the way you think is ideal.
• Now, put a time frame on it. What date will you achieve this by? Be thoughtful
  when considering this, if you don’t allow enough time, you may become frustrated
  or if it’s too far away, you could start procrastinating!
• Next, jot down the things you need to do to achieve this goal. Put down everything
  you can think of! You may find this daunting, but this is when your support team
  comes in handy.
• Break these actions down into little tasks and assign dates to them. If you want to
  reach your goal in 6 months, what would you need to have achieved by 3 months?

Then, if you have achieved that in 3 months, what would you need to achieve in 6
weeks? Keep going until you have weekly actions to get you to your goal!

• Finally, take the step and begin!
  
  

Courage Check Ins –
Courage needs a booster shot regularly, so catch ups with your support team are useful. Doesn’t need to be flash, just 30 minutes over a coffee! It’s easy to slip into negative thinking when you hit a speed bump. Remember it’s just your subconscious trying to keep you safe and stop you being hurt. We can reduce this negative self- talk by using the “Catch, Challenge, Change” process, which was developed by Vicki Thondley, Director of Mind Body Food Institute in Australia.

• CATCH the negative thought.
• CHALLENGE its validity (Is it true? Is this thought helping me get to my goal? Maybe
  it was true once, but I can release it now).
• CHANGE – replace that negative thought with a true positive one. (“You’re not good
  enough to do this” replace with “I AM good enough and courageous enough to do this!”)
  
  

So, to summarise, if you need courage to change something:

1. Understand how your subconscious is trying to protect you.
2. Learn to give it positive “updates” regularly.
3. Acknowledge your feelings.
4. Gather a support crew.
5. Focus on what you want.
6. Break down steps into little tasks.
7. Take the first step.
8. Do one thing every day towards your goal.
9. Desire + Courage + Action = SUCCESS

It always seems impossible until it's done."
​ - Nelson Mandela

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jac is a Holistic Life and Financial Coach and a Community Facilitator for a Bullying Prevention Programme delivered to local schools in Cromwell.
Jac is a mum of two and grandma to four and insists she is younger than that sounds! She loves completing research projects just for fun and as a former Mental Health Advocate, keeps up with the latest research on mental wellbeing.
In her spare time, Jac loves exploring Central Otago on the many trails available on her EBike, catching up with friends and ‘supervising’ her husband in the garden!
Contact jaclockington@gmail.com