We all have those days or moments when if someone was to tell us to be grateful, we’d feel like screaming at them,

 

“Get real, take your gratitude and shove it!”

 

There are times when thinking of things you’re grateful for not only seems impossible, it feels like the most ludicrous and infuriating thing anyone could possibly suggest. 

 

Feeling grateful seems like a copout. It feels like you’re avoiding facing your problems or minimizing their seeming importance and urgency. 

 

If only we could understand that gratitude won’t make us float off into lala land, rather it will help us change the trajectory of our very bad day.

 

But in the heat of your very bad moment, it’s impossible for you to understand this.
To use an old saying,

“You can’t see the wood for the trees”.

 

Literally, in the stress state you’re in, your vision narrows.

 

One of the many things the stress hormone cortisol does in your body is reduce your peripheral vision so that you can focus solely on the potential threat you’re perceiving without being distracted by other things happening on the periphery.

The problem with this is, what you focus on magnifies.

 

This can be easily seen by capturing the sun’s rays through a magnifying glass on to a piece of wood. The situation, and your thoughts and feelings about it, intensify. You don’t have the clarity of having a broad view. You can’t see other people’s perspectives, creative solutions, or reach for better feeling thoughts and emotions. 

 

You certainly can’t feel grateful.

 

It can be super helpful to widen your vision - look up and out.
Sometimes I find this simple act can be enough to change my whole perspective. 

Simply intentionally widen your vision by looking up, out, and around you. 

 

There’s a whole host of other things that happen in your brain and body when your stress response is triggered and your nervous system kicks into fight or flight mode, and they all happen quickly, within the blink of an eye.

 

Most noticeably, everything speeds up -

your heart, your breathing, and your thoughts. 

 

This state is all about action and urgency, to “fix” the situation, and quickly. 

 

“Fix” in inverted commas because, rather than fix anything, you are more likely to make things worse. In this state of hyper-alertness, the prefrontal cortex area of your brain, which is responsible for rationalization, shuts down.

 

It’s very hard, if not impossible, to intentionally use any effective top-down mental strategy such as gratitude - you’re too alert, too activated, and too agitated. 

 

You need to slow down and calm down. 

And you need a real-time tool to help you do this. 

 

When you can’t control your mind, you need to do something purely mechanical within your body. This is what is known as bottom-up control. Using your body to get to your mind. 

 

You can’t take conscious control of your heart.

 

The only way in is through your breath.
 

It’s a very well established medical fact that there is a direct relationship between how you breathe and your heart rate.

 

When you inhale, you send a neural signal to your heart to speed up. 

When you exhale, you signal your heart to slow down. 

 

Longer exhales will slow down your heart rate and in turn bring your nervous system back to a more balanced place, from hyper-alert towards calm. Your prefrontal cortex will switch back on, and you’ll regain access to your rational brain. 

 

4-1-8 Breath is the perfect tool to use.

You can use it in real-time, in ‘the heat of the moment’.

 

Inhale for the count of 4 

Hold for the count of 1

Exhale for the count of 8

& Repeat ...

 

Focusing your mind on consciously controlling your breath, and silently counting to yourself, will also help to distract your mind from the thoughts that are racing around.

 

For the purpose of this Peptalk, these strategies are about bringing your nervous system back into a balanced place where you’re able to consider practicing gratitude and reaping its benefits. 

 

It’s an added bonus that these strategies will also help you match your internal environment to what is more appropriate for you to handle your external situation better. That means calmer and more rationally.

 

So, the next time you’re feeling stressed, it could be purely psychological stress (worrying about something), or dealing with an external situation, try these strategies:

 

• Widen your vision, broaden your focus by physically looking up, out, and around you.
• Slow your breath, heart and mind by using the 4-1-8 breathing technique.

 

Now, from your calmer state, see if you can reach for some thoughts of gratitude. 

 

If it still feels like a stretch, next week I have two ideas coming from stoicism to share with you. These can be useful ways to find feelings of gratitude when they’re not in clear view.

 

One is called “Negative Visualization”, the other is, “I’m living the dream”. 

 

Intrigued?

Watch out for these.

 

Until then...

 

Keep up your great work on activating your calm state, and slotting gratitude in.

 

Little and often is the way to go!

 

Yours in gratitude,