"Very little is needed to make a happy life;

it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking."

- Marcus Aurelius, Ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher

If there is one universal thing that everyone the whole world over wants, it is to be happy. 

 

First, let me clarify what I mean by the word "happy". I don't mean gleefully jumping with ecstatic joy. Of course, we all love a bit of that from time to time and why not! What I mean is real happiness, which is more of a feeling of total wellbeing, inner peace, contentment, and satisfaction. 

 

This thing called happiness is the root motivation that drives all of our desires and actions.

 

If you doubt me, then simply do some investigation. 

 

Think about something you want. Now ask yourself why you want it.

 

If you ask "why?" enough times, eventually you'll get to the answer, "Because I want to be happy". 

 

So how do we get this magical feeling we seek, and why does it so often elude us?

 

I've learned the reason happiness often eludes us is we look for it in all the wrong places.

 

We tend to get lured into believing that happiness comes from the outer world around us.

 

We think that things, other people, events, situations, and circumstances are the cause of our happiness.

 

If we could only get things and people to be the way we want, then we could be happy.

 

It's easy to see why we think our happiness is reliant on our circumstances. We get evidence every day that appears to confirm that what's happening in our life determines our happiness. If something happens we want and like, we feel good. If something happens we don't like, we don't feel good. Seems pretty logical.

 

But this seeking happiness in outer things puts us in quite a predicament, because so much of what happens around us, we have very little, if any, control over.

 

When we seek happiness from outer things, we end up in a never ending place of "I'll be happy when...".

 

The great news is, our circumstances, as hard as it is to believe, actually have very little influence over our happiness. 

 

For thousands of years, ancient spiritual traditions have taught that happiness is within us.

 

In more recent years, science has been investigating how we can create happiness. 

 

By studying happy people, and what their commonalities are, science has come to conclusions about how we can be happier. 

 

In the book The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky shares what research has found influences our happiness. Here's what a multitude of studies have found - 

WHAT INFLUENCES HAPPINESS

From 'The How of Happiness' by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Let's start with the segment we have the least amount of control over. 

 

50% of our happiness is determined by our genes. We're born with a sort of happiness setpoint. A predisposition for happiness. It seems we have no control over this. (The science of epigenetics is actually now showing us we can influence how our genes express themselves. But that's a story for another day). For the purposes of this peptalk, we're going to write this segment off as "out of our control" and move on. 

 

10% of our happiness is impacted by our circumstances. This is the most surprising and counterintuitive discovery, but if we can accept it, we can stop beating our heads against a brick wall, so to speak, and shift our attention to what really will bring us lasting happiness.

 

"It may be hard to believe that such things as riches, beauty, and perfect health have only a short-term and limited influence on achieving happiness, but the evidence is formidable... If we can accept as true that life circumstances are not the keys to happiness, we'll be greatly empowered to pursue happiness for ourselves."
- The How of Happiness.

 

40% of our happiness is influenced by our thoughts and intentional actions. If we want to achieve happiness, we need to shift the majority of our energy and efforts to this final segment - our zone of power. 

 

How we think and how we act is the most important thing when it comes to our happiness.

 

In my experience, my intentional actions come from my thoughts. Anything I do, intentionally, first must be a thought in my mind.

 

I don't think it's too much of a stretch to surmise that our thoughts are the most important thing when it comes to happiness.

 

And therefore, 

 

If we want to be happy, carefully selecting the thoughts we think is the most important thing we can do.

 

How do we do that?

 

Step one creating happy thoughts - Know what you're thinking. 

 

The famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung said,

 

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life."

 

Most of your thoughts are unconscious.

And these unconscious thoughts are running your life. 

 

Practice listening to your thoughts. Your thoughts are a voice talking inside your own head. See if you can create some distance between you and this voice and listen to what it's saying, as though you were listening to someone else speak.

 

You can't change what you can't observe.

So practice observing your thoughts. 

 

Go one step further and see if you can connect the link between what you're thinking and how those thoughts make you feel. 

 

Is what you're thinking producing a feeling of wellbeing, inner peace and contentment (aka:happiness)?

 

If not, what's a better thought you could think?

 

Step two creating happy thoughts - Think more happiness producing thoughts. 

 

What are happy thoughts?

 

In the book, 'The How of Happiness' there's a handy summary of the types of thoughts "happy people" think - 

 

Happiness producing thoughts :

• Thoughts about things you are grateful for.
• Thoughts of empathy and kindness towards others.
• Optimist thoughts about the future.
• Thoughts about savouring things you're experiencing in the present moment.
• Thoughts about meaningful goals you care about.
• Coping thoughts - thoughts that build up your inner strength.

---

 

Let's recap -

 

• Our greatest motivation in life is we want to be happy - seeking happiness is the root cause of everything we do.
• By studying happy people, science has shown the greatest contributor to happiness is our thoughts and intentional actions (not outer things and circumstances as we tend to think).
• Anything we do (intentionally) is first a thought in our mind. Therefore, when it comes to happiness, our thoughts are what's most important.
• There are two steps to getting happy by thinking happy thoughts.
• Step 1 - become aware of what you're thinking. You can't change what you can't observe. 
• Step 2 - think more of the types of thoughts that produce happiness - science shows these are thoughts of gratitude, kindness, optimism, savouring, purpose, and strength.

This week's action - 

 

1. Observe your thoughts

 

Plan actual moments during your day when you purposefully pause and pay attention to what you're thinking. 

These moments could be :

• Every time you wash your hands.
• When you're driving in the car.
• Waiting in line somewhere. 
• When you first wake up and before you go off to sleep.
• While you're preparing food or eating. 

Simply listen to the voice in your head as if it were someone else speaking to you.

 

2. Think happy thoughts

After spending a moment observing what you're thinking, ask yourself -

 

Is this a happiness producing thought? 

If not, willfully think a thought that is - 

• About something you're grateful for.
• Something kind or loving about another person.
• Something positive about the future - perhaps something you're looking forward to.
• Something you appreciate in this very moment - something you're experiencing with your senses - what can you see, hear, smell, touch, or taste that you can savour?
• About a goal you're working towards. Think about what the goal means to you, and what is the next step you can take towards it. 
• About your inner strength - congratulate yourself on how well you're coping with something that's happening in your life now, or something from the past. 

---

  

So, there's no time to waste! Why not pause right now and notice what you're thinking. 

What's a happier thought you can think instead? (Choose from the ideas above).

 

Remember, as the great Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking."

 

Have a happy week!

Nadine xx

 

PS > Exciting news coming next week about the online membership Peptalk Beyond - where mind-conquering ideas become actionable lessons. The countdown to launch is officially on!