PACT : a formal agreement between two or more people,
groups of people, or organizations.
(Cambridge Dictionary)

 

Technically, a pact is between two or more people or groups.

But you can make a pact with yourself.

If you take a look, you'll see there are actually at least two of you inside yourself. 

That's not as woo-woo as it sounds!

You can easily hear your two selves battling it out if you just listen.

Try listening as soon as you wake up in the morning. 

One of them is putting up some stellar arguments in favour of pressing snooze again. 

The other is doing its best to remind you of the reasons you need to, or said you would, get up. 

It seems there's a lower self and a higher self in there. 

The higher self knows what's good for you in the longer term.
The lower self just wants what feels good right now!

 

I decided to make some pacts between my two selves. 
So I could give my higher self a greater chance of winning the battle more often.

 

I created 24 Pacts for 2024.

In last week's Peptalk I shared Pacts 1-8
You can revisit those here. 

I'm hopeful some of what I've gleaned from 2023 will resonate with you, and inspire you to create some of your own pacts. 

You don't have to go OTT like me and create 24 of them! 
 

As I said last week, I’m talking to myself here - but some of these may speak to you.
 

Feel free to grab, borrow or steal the pacts that resonate with you. 

 

There's a Pact-printable you can download and print below, to create your own pacts.

 

 

MY 2024 PACTS
(along with short explanations)
(in no particular order)

PART 2 : PACTS 9-16

 

9. MEMENTO MORI - Remember that I will die. (A Stoic Mantra)

Some people will find this mantra morbid or depressing.
I find it utterly liberating!

The fact is, the only sure-thing in this life is, we are all going to die.
In 100 years no one who is reading this will be here. Contemplating this puts a lot of stuff into perspective for me - for example, the absolute insignificance of that “embarrassing” thing I said or did.
 

• I use this mantra to put things in perspective. I’m going to die and everyone's opinion or judgment I care about that is stopping me doing the thing I aspire to do will also be dead. 
• I use this mantra to guide my thoughts, words, and actions.
• I use it to be intentional about what I give my time and attention to.
• I use it to appreciate and savour as many moments as I can.
• I use it to try not to sweat the small stuff (and remember that 99% of it is small stuff).
• I use it to love my loved ones harder.

To remind me of my mortality and the preciousness of life, I colour in my ‘Life Grid’ each week -

[see www.peptalkmedia.com/blog-lifegrid-ex if you want to check out the Life Grid exercise. It’s a great way to keep life’s preciousness at the forefront of your mind.]

The great Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius said,
“You could leave life right now, let that determine what you do and say and think.”

 

PACT :
I use the mantra MEMENTO MORI to guide my thoughts, words, and actions.

 

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10. ATTENTION = EXPERIENCE = MY LIFE

These are some thoughts I learned from my favourite teacher this year, Michael Singer. He's the author of 'The Untethered Soul', the book that has a permanent place on my bedside table, is full of highlights and postit notes, and I think of it as my bible.

My entire life consists of a sequence of experiences.
And those experiences are determined by where I place my attention.
That makes ‘my attention’ a very important thing!

At this moment, there are trillions of things going on in the world, but I am only experiencing the one thing that I am giving my attention to right now. 

 

The cool thing is, I know I have the ability to control where my attention goes. Meditation and mindfulness are the tools I use to train myself to get better at being able to control my attention.

Because I know that what I give my attention to, equals my experience, equals my life, I also know that being intentional about where I allow my attention to go is important - super important!

 

 

PACT :
I practice meditation and mindfulness every day to train my ability to control my attention, because I know that where I place my attention determines what I experience in life.
 

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11. PRESS PAUSE ON INTAKE & PLAY ON OUTPUT

Being fascinated to the point of being obsessed about a topic is awesome. I love the emotion of curiosity and interest, but phew 😅 information overload and overwhelm, it’s real!

I love learning about the mind, and I’ll never stop, but now is my time to focus on output.

 

Output means :

Daily discipline to :

• Consistently put what I learn into practice in my own life,
• Create cool, captivating, and actionable resources to share the gems I’ve learned with others.
• Resist the urge to soak up another podcast, book, article (to me that’s harder than resisting a delicious piece of chocolate cake), so I can reduce overwhelm and focus my time and energy on the above two actions.

 

Productivity expert Nir Eyal says that learning can become a form of procrastination, a way to escape doing the "real work" we're supposed to be doing, or said we'd do. I certainly see this as true in my case.

The “act” of learning can be a productive thing, but unless the “act” is aligned with my GOAL, then it's not productivity, it's procrastination.

 

PACT :
Turn my learning and knowledge into doing, creating, teaching, and sharing.

 

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12. BE THE TORTOISE NOT THE HARE

The story "The Tortoise and the Hare" was a classic in my childhood and one that was read many times over.

 

It contains the formula for accomplishment and success.

Consistency + Persistency

My track record suggests I have a pattern of going hard early, and crashing and burning. I’ve been down this road enough times to know it’s not the way to ultimate success in any endeavour, whether it’s getting physically fit, completing a creative project, or any other goal.

I’ve been working on this consistent, persistent approach lately, and even after a short time of staying on track, I noticed the power of small acts repeated over time - It’s incredible, and hugely satisfying, how quickly small daily actions add up!

I get it - slow and steady wins the race!

Even the famous Chinese philosopher Confucius agrees - he said,

“It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.”

In my case, I’d add “... as long as you don’t stop [or detour]”.

The other phenomenon that threatens to derail me on a daily basis, and often does, is Shiny Object Syndrome.

 

“Shiny objects” are the new, exciting ideas that distract me or pull me off the project I’m working on - which, by the way, started out as a shiny object, but since became mundane or challenging.

PACT:

Never underestimate the power of consistency + persistency.
Pick one thing and finish it!
Record new ideas (shiny objects) in my ‘Ideas Bank’ (Google spreadsheet)
to revisit later and get back to the task at hand. 

 

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13. JUST DO IT!

Procrastination and indecision are productivity killers and energy suckers!

Like everyone, I make tens of thousands of decisions every day.

 

The more time I spend thinking... before deciding... then doing - 
the more energy my indecision zaps up!

This pact is simple.
It couldn’t be simpler.
I don’t bargain, rationalise, or negotiate with my mind - I ignore my mind's protests and I get on with whatever it is I’m meant to be doing.

Testing this approach has provided some real aha moments for me.
Those times when, rather than arguing with myself for 2 hours, 2 days, or 2 weeks, I just got stuck in, were sooooo refreshing - oh the joy of just doing the damn thing!

I’ve also noticed there’s freedom that comes from this discipline.
This feels counter-intuitive.
Discipline can feel like the opposite of freedom, more like restriction and restraint. But actually, when I "just do it" I gain freedom from battling with my mind.

 

 

Pact :
Ignore the voice in my head
- Decide & Do.

 

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14. FAITH BRIDGES THE GAP BETWEEN WHERE I AM AND WHERE I WANT TO BE

I was recently inspired by this quote from actress Tracee Ellis Ross  -
“I am learning to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me”.

That sounds like an excellent thing to work on.

I’m committed to constant growth and self-improvement. As well as that, I have goals to accomplish and experiences to have in the time I have left here on planet earth. So, there’s always going to be this space. I’m never going to “make it” and stay there forever.

 

I’m always going to be stretching, and it’s going to be much more exciting, thrilling, and joyful, if I do my stretching and growing in a state of inspiration, rather than fear.

I thought about this and realised that the difference between feeling terrified or inspired by my goals and dreams is FAITH.

Faith can be a hairy subject to talk about because everyone has their different beliefs, or none, and that's totally OK.

Side note : As well as being an antidote to worry and fear, the science is very clear - having a belief in something bigger than ourselves gives our life meaning and gives us greater levels of happiness. 

It could be Catholicism, Christianity, Buddhism, Stoicism, or going for a walk in nature that gives someone that sense of transcending everyday life. It doesn’t matter what name we give this feeling, or what religion, philosophy, theory, or practice is the source of our faith.

 

What matters is the sense that there is something bigger than us at play, and whatever that something is for each of us, it can be a powerful source of hope, meaning, courage, and happiness.

 

I believe in something magical I can't explain.
I believe because I've seen how things seem to fall into place when I have faith.

It seems magical.
The word for it is Grace.

Building my faith is something I need to work on everyday.
That part doesn't happen by magic. 

One of the ways I build my faith is with the mantra -

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS WORKING OUT FOR ME.

I use this mantra to build my trust in the process, and my faith that something bigger than me is working through me and for me. 

 

Hindsight has shown me that sometimes things don’t appear to be working out at the time, but down the track I see they were working out the way they were meant to. 

This mantra is coming along into 2024 for sure!

 

PACT :
CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES - What do I control?
What I think. What I say. How I act.
All the rest I leave in the hands of my faith that everything is always working out for my highest good. I do my part and I let grace do hers.

 

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15. HAVE THE COURAGE OF MY CONVICTIONS

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears and what they think."

-Rumi

 

This is an exceptionally tough one for me, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

 

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out”, Dr. Seuss said.
 

Hmmm, well, that statement is not quite true.

Physiology tells me I was born to fit in.
I’m wired to fit in.
When I stand out, I’m fighting against my evolution.
- That’s why it’s so hard!

Short explanation - from the beginning of human existence, right up until the last couple hundred years, fitting in was a matter of survival. Being part of a tribe mattered, big time! If we were exiled from the tribe, we would be on our own. Going it alone meant almost certain death. This need for acceptance and fear of rejection is still wired into our DNA, even though these days exclusion does not equal extinction. 

 

I see this desire to fit-in playing out in my work with Peptalk. When I set out to share an insight or strategy about the mind, I inevitably get hung up on a nuance or contradiction to that idea.

 

In my writing I feel I need to go off on every tangent and explain any exceptions to the rule, or appease possible arguments someone could have with what I’m saying.

Avoiding being disagreed with or causing offense has been keeping me stuck in the very time-consuming, creativity-sucking, hamster wheel of over-explaining.

GOOD NEWS : Thanks to the science of neuroplasticity and epigenetics, I know I can change my brain, and even how my genes express themselves.

 

I can train my brain and tame my genes by practicing unashamedly expressing myself -

This doesn’t mean : Disregarding others feelings, not seeking feedback or advice when necessary, or gaining inspiration and insights from those I admire.

It does mean : Putting my ideas, learnings, insights, thoughts, beliefs, and views out there without over-explaining; and then discovering that, even if I get bad feedback or criticism, it’s OK, I won’t die!

Each time I do this, I rewire my brain with the beliefs that

• It’s safe for me to not fit in,
• It's safe not to have everyone agree with me,
• It's even safe if I occasionally (unintentionally) offend someone. 

PACT :
Share my ideas, clearly and concisely, with genuine conviction. Forget the nuances and contradictions, say it, short and snappy for maximum impact. If I try to serve everyone, I will serve no one. 

 

 

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16. TURN AFFIRMATIONS INTO "ACT-FIRMATIONS"

To round off this week’s 8 Pacts, one of my favourite things - affirmations.
 

I love affirmations. I first heard of them in the 90s when I read Louise L Hay’s book “You can heal your life”.

Since then, there’s some good science that shows that affirming positive statements is a way to tune our mind to the good in life, or to our good qualities. Studies show affirmations can buffer us against stress and criticism.

From my own 'me-search' using affirmations, this definitely rings true for me. 

 

But then, I discovered how to take affirmations to a whole new level. 

 

Turn them into “act-firmations”.
 

It all started when I heard entrepreneur Alex Hormozi, during a podcast interview, say this:

"You don't gain confidence by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by giving yourself a stack of undeniable proof you are who you say you are, out work your self doubt. " 

Whoa! That spoke to me!

Whatever I say in the mirror, I’ve got to act that way too.
That’s how I banish self-doubt.
That’s how I really start to feel like the person I want to become.
And that’s how I actually become that person.

If I affirm, “I am healthy, I am fit, I am energised”.
I need to ask myself, how does a fit, healthy, energised person act?
And then act that way.

If I affirm, “I am calm, I am composed, I am steady”.
Then, the next time something happens that irritates me, I need to remember how a calm, composed, steady person acts.
And act that way.

If I affirm, “I am focused, I am productive, I get shit done”.
Then I need to sit my butt down at my computer and write and finish and share.

Actions speak louder than words!
Or as habit guru James Clear puts it,
“Every action is a vote for the person you want to become.”

 

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Your turn.

 

Print the worksheet below and create some pacts for yourself. 
Pacts are about putting your higher-self in the driver's seat. 
Imagine where that self could steer you in 2024!

Until next week,

Happy pact-ing.

Nadine 🤸‍♀️

PS> Check out Part 1 - Pacts 1-8  here