“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”.

- Shakespeare, Hamlet

Last week I wrote that there's a topic I'm so passionate about when it comes to mind health, wellbeing, and generally living a good life, that I find it difficult to write about.

 

I’m so excited about this idea, it feels impossible to find the words to convey how profound and (excuse the cringyness) life-changing it is.

 

But if you’ll stick with me and read to the end, I’m going to try.

 

In theory, this idea is simple.

 

In practice, it’s the most difficult thing you will ever learn and apply.

 

But, I believe, it is also the most valuable.

 

It’s based on fundamental truths about happiness and living a good life.

This is reality.

 

As Shakespeare said in Hamlet,

 

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”.

 

I had my first taste of the power of the mind when I was a teenager. As an elite gymnast, I worked with mental coaches and learned techniques like affirmations and visualisation.

 

The idea was to use my mind to cope with pressure and perform at my best.

 

It wasn’t so much the techniques I learned, it was more a spark that was ignited in me.

 

That spark was the idea of what was possible for me if I could use the power of my mind as a positive force in my life.

 

That spark has never gone out. 

 

For the last 30+ years, I’ve known how powerful my mind is.

 

Not being able to consistently and fully use this power in a way that yields the results I know are possible, has led to a lot of frustration.

 

Often to the point of feeling hopeless and desperate, and wanting to give up on this mind-thing altogether. 

 

To use an analogy you can hopefully relate to. It’s like the most delicious piece of chocolate cake imaginable sitting in front of you. Occasionally, you get a taste of it, and you experience how delightful it is, then it moves just beyond your reach. You know it’s there, you remember how good it is, but for some reason or other you can’t quite touch it and taste it. 

 

This has been a lifelong puzzle for me. 

 

How can I consistently reach and experience that chocolate cake? 

(Remember : the cake is not actually a cake, I’m using it as a metaphor for the positive power of the mind).

 

Just a couple of weeks ago, the answer to this puzzle came to me. 

 

The answer is meditation. 

 

Stick with me.

 

Although not new (meditation has been taught and practiced for thousands of years), it's become "trendy" in recent times, and many people have preconceived notions and misconceptions about it that cause them to dismiss the practical value it would have in their life. 

 

I first learned about and practiced meditation 25 years ago during my Yoga teacher training in Thailand.

 

Although I was fascinated, much of what I learned didn't feel relevant in a practical life sense. It was interesting doing it in the shala on the beach in Koh Samui with my new yoga friends, but it didn't slot into my life back home.

 

In recent years, I've become excited about meditation as I've learned from several incredible teachers, like Sam Harris and Michael Singer, through reading and online.

 

I've put the common sense approach they teach into practice and experienced deeply satisfying rewards. 

 

Even more recently, it occurred to me that meditation is the answer to my frustrations mentioned earlier. 

If the point of meditation is to learn mindfulness... which it is...

 

To bother with this mindfulness stuff, you need to know what the practical value is going to be in your life?

 

There are many reasons why and how learning to be mindful will enhance your life. 

 

I plan to cover more in future Peptalks.

Circling back to my analogy of the delicious chocolate cake that I get the occasional taste of, but that has, a lot of the time, been just out of my reach.

 

The cake is a metaphor for the positive power of my mind.

 

Eating the cake is being able to access and use my mind’s power to feel good and accomplish meaningful stuff I care about. 

 

Crucial understanding : One of the first things you learn when you practice meditation is that there are only ever two states you can be in.

 

At any moment in time, you are either:

 

Lost in thought 

or/

Mindful.

 

In other words, you are either :

 

Lost in your thoughts and completely identified with them.

Or/

Separate from your thoughts and consciously aware of them.

Another thing you'll notice when you become mindful is the high percentage of your thoughts that are negative, critical, and repetitive (topic to expand on another day).

 

In theory, the answer is simple.

Become aware or mindful.

 

In reality, it’s extremely difficult.

 

Your mind and thoughts are so enticing.
They constantly draw you in.

 

The worst thing is, this happens without you even realizing it.

Most people are completely unaware that they are lost in thought.
Because it is their normal state.

It feels so normal.

 

After many years of frustratingly attempting to tame my mind and get it to say what I want it to say, rather than running off on whatever tangent it wants…

 

Along came an aha moment!

 

The reason my mind keeps taking over, is because my mind muscles are stronger than my mindfulness muscles.

 

This whole time I’ve been wrestling with my mind.

When I should have been building my mindful muscles. 

 

Answer : Use meditation to train my awareness to be stronger than my mind. 

 

(For clarity, I’m using the terms Mindful/Aware & Mindfulness/Awareness interchangeably. They mean the same thing. The state of being conscious of your thoughts, rather than lost in them). 

 

The stronger I make my awareness, the more consistently I will be able to take control of my mind and create willful thoughts. 

 

As we covered earlier,

Meditation is the exercise we use for cultivating a state of mindfulness/awareness.

It works in the same way as exercise.

The more you train, the stronger your muscles become. 

The more you practice meditation.
The stronger your mindfulness muscles become. 

 

OK, there has been a lot to take in.

 

Today I hope to have planted a seed and inspired curiosity in you. 

 

I hope you ask yourself these questions - 

 

What could be possible for me if I could take control of my mind and get it to say what I want it to say?

 

&

 

Could it be worth me giving this meditation thing a decent try?

 

For further inspiration, I want to leave you with a short video snippet of a talk from meditation expert - Sam Harris. 

 

As you listen to Sam Harris, note that he uses an example of the emotion of anger. This is just an example. You can relate what he is saying to any emotion.

 

After you watch the video, take some time to contemplate what Sam is saying and the impact becoming mindful would have in your life. 

 

I hope you enjoy the little bit of humor in Sam’s talk too.

 

Watch the 3-minute video below >>

 

And don’t miss part 2 of this Peptalk, where I reveal my plan to teach you the life-changing art of meditation and mindfulness.

 

Until then,

 

Nadine x

<transcript>

 

The difference between being identified with thought and being mindful of it is total. The difference is in the first case, you helplessly live out the implications of the next thought. If the next thought is an angry thought or a thought of self-judgment or a thought of worry, then that is you for as long as that train continues. Because one thought engenders another, if you have an angry thought, if you remember some conversation you had that was incredibly frustrating, and you're angry at someone and that sneaks up on you, and you become angry all over again. And then you start thinking of all the things you wished you'd said, or you'll say next time. It doesn't make a lot of sense, you remember the conversation and yet you're rehearsing it to yourself.

 

And there's apparently no capacity to get bored with the things we say to ourselves.

 

If I was telling you the same thing over and over again, on the third or fourth time you would say, what does he have brain damage? Why is he saying this over and over again?

 

But if you will pay attention, you will say the same thing over and over again to yourself and you'll never detect you're in the presence of the most boring person in the world. 

 

The capacity to be mindful gives you a choice. At that point you can say, how long do I want to stay angry for?

 

If you can't be mindful then you'll be angry for as long as you'll be angry, and you'll do all the things that anger dictates you do, you'll make the phone call or send the email, or have that conversation and you really don't have any choice.

 

Whereas if you can just notice thoughts arise and emotions arise and let them play out their half life, which is actually very very short. It's actually impossible to stay angry or fearful for more than a few moments without resurrecting it again with more thoughts that you aren't noticing.

 

It can become the difference between being angry all day long and being angry for 10 seconds. Which in terms of the effect on your life and your relationships, it's an enormous difference. So mindfulness is a tool by which you can make that choice.